Infinitive Splitter

This commercial makes me laugh every time.

The worst companies have the best ad wizards.

Email scammers in the developing world have had tremendous success at relieving Americans of their money, but there’s much room for improvement. Checking my spam filter just now, I found an attempt from “PayPal” that began thus:

Due to our last days online problems, many phishing attempts and identity-theft, we need to verify our members accounts information.

That kind of sloppiness might produce profitable results when sent to illiterate or particularly oblivious Americans, but the rest of us need to see a little more respect before you can defraud us.

Scam managers really ought to consider adding English-language editors to their operations.

Clarissa and I went to Seattle for a long weekend recently, and at the car-rental agency I learned why the U.S. automobile industry is in such bad shape: it produces offensive, humiliating machines like the Chevrolet HHR:

The driver of this car changed lanes abruptly in front of me in heavy traffic on K Street this afternoon. As you can see, it’s registered in California and bears a license plate marked “U.S. CONGRESS 46.”

Does Rep. Dana Rohrabacher drive a green Oldsmobile Aurora?

As far as I can tell, it is — or should be — his car. The California Department of Motor Vehicles says this of such licenses:

The number represents the congressional district. The small “A,” when present, indicates a second vehicle owned by a member of Congress. A small “R,” when present indicates a retired member of Congress. A small “1″ after “R,” indicates a second vehicle owned by a retired member of Congress.

There are no small letters or numbers next to the “46″ above, so this appears to be Rohrabacher’s primary automobile. I didn’t get a better look at the driver than what’s visible in the photo, so I can’t confirm the congressman was behind the wheel.

If it is Rohrabacher’s car, he’s had it since at least 2000, when Space.com published an article that began thus:

A sign above the congressional office door of Rep. Dana Rohrabacher sums up his mindset: “Fighting for freedom and having fun.”

That might help explain why the California Republican, who loves a good battle over space issues on Capitol Hill, was cruising his district’s scenic coastline in his Buick Aurora recently when a reporter reached him by cell phone.

Case closed!

Postscript: if I’m ever unlucky enough to be a member of Congress, I certainly will not pay extra to have a license plate that invites bloggers with too much time on their hands to investigate my identity when I make a questionable decision on the road. California’s DMV charges legislators $12 for the privilege of announcing themselves to drivers behind them.

Ladies and gentlemen, the starting pitchers for your 2009 Pittsburgh Pirates!

Career ERA and ERA+:

• Jeff Karstens — 4.89, 89
• Zach Duke — 4.39, 98
• Paul Maholm — 4.30, 100
• Ross Ohlendorf — 6.13, 71
• Ian Snell — 4.67, 92

Maholm’s career ERA+ of 100 means he is a perfectly average major league pitcher. All the other guys have been worse.