A candidate for state superintendent of schools said Thursday he wants thick used textbooks placed under every student’s desk so they can use them for self-defense during school shootings.
“People might think it’s kind of weird, crazy,” said Republican Bill Crozier of Union City, Oklahoma, a teacher and former Air Force security officer. “It is a practical thing; it’s something you can do. It might be a way to deflect those bullets until police go there.”
This is a terrific idea, but used textbooks might not be the best option. Their obsolescence might be owed to the outdated ideas written in them, rendering them full of holes and useless for stopping bullets.
Bibles, with their thousands of pages and hard covers, stand out as the next option. Despite their similar shortcomings vis-a-vis theoretical/physical credibility, their potential usefulness as spiritual guides for beseiged students makes them an attractive choice. Of course, stocking public-school classrooms with Bibles intended to stop bullets would set up a vitally interesting First/Second Amendment clash — which, as any good educator would recognize, would be an important “teachable moment.”
Anyway, I think candidate Crozier — unlike me — has dangerously overthought the issue. Two simpler solutions immediately come to mind:
- Fortify current textbooks with bullet-proof material. Many schools already require students to cover textbooks to prevent scratches; surely back-to-school stores in the Sooner State could accomodate a heightened demand for Kevlar-coated Hannah Montana wrapping paper.
- Put guns under the desks.