Infinitive Splitter

The previous post is embarrassingly full of errors: the Times’ website doesn’t normally have ads in that sidebar position or in a banner under the newspaper’s main logo. Still, as I said in my partial correction in the update to the post, the ad is impressive anyway.

But in the interest of pushing incorrect information down the page, here are what I figure are the Steelers’ four potential playoff-making scenarios. If any of them happen, I’ll celebrate with an Iron City beer and a cool $100 from my sister’s Browns-supporting ex-boyfriend:

• The Steelers win both of their last two games (against the Rams and Ravens)
  The Steelers would finish 11-5 and hold the head-to-head tiebreaker over the Browns, so Pittsburgh would win the AFC North even if Cleveland also finished 11-5.

• The Steelers win one of their last two games AND the Browns lose one of their last two games (against the Bengals or the 49ers)
  The Steelers and Browns would both finish 10-6, with the Steelers still holding the tiebreaker, so Pittsburgh would win the AFC North.

• The Steelers beat the Ravens in week 17
  The Steelers would be 10-6, at worst, with a conference record of 8-4; the best the Titans can do (even with victories over the Jets and Colts) is finish 10-6 with a 7-5 AFC record, so Pittsburgh would win a Wild Card spot.

• The Titans lose one of their last two games (against the Jets or the Colts)
  The Titans’ record would be 9-7, equal to the Steelers’ worst-case outcome. The Steelers would have, at worst, a 7-5 AFC record, versus the Titans’ 6-6, so Pittsburgh would win a Wild Card spot.
  

I prefer the first scenario.

I captured the image above while watching a new PC/Mac ad from Apple on the New York Times home page this morning.

Advertisers buy space like this in coordinated ways all the time. But for this ad, John Hodgman and Justin Long actually interact with the sign in a way that makes sense given their position under it, which seems to mean they shot the ad with the Times’ specific page design in mind.

I don’t remember seeing this kind of thing before — certainly not with such recognizable characters. Maybe it’s new; maybe Apple did it so well that I think it’s new. Either way, it’s very impressive.

UPDATE: I’ve just realized that there isn’t normally a sidebar ad in that position.  Impressive anyway!

Facebook’s News Feed — the front-page stream of updates about my friends’ relationships, movie tastes and weekend plans — includes advertisements intended to be “more relevant and more interesting” to me, based on my interests and personal information. Since I’ve voluntarily provided Facebook with my name; age; location; book, movie and music tastes; and other personal stuff, Facebook’s advertisers have a great opportunity to sell me things I’m likely to want.

Here’s what I got today:

Facebook knows I was born in 1982, so I can’t possibly relive the 1960s. I guess there are still some bugs to work out.

When he isn’t analyzing cheerleader uniforms or insisting on the benefits of climate change for homeowners in upstate New York, professional contrarian Gregg Easterbrook sometimes writes clever things about football. His recap of last night’s Steelers-Dolphins game in today’s ESPN column is pretty weak, so I’m borrowing one of his conventions to describe it here.

Result of all possessions: interception, punt, punt, punt, downs, fumble, punt, punt, punt, punt, halftime, downs, punt, punt, missed field goal, fumble, punt, punt, field goal, end of game.

That’s entertainment!

There’s a hole in the roof of my car that appears to have been made by a swiftly moving, cylindrical projectile with a diameter roughly equivalent to that of a ball-point pen. Naturally, I’m interested in the origin of the projectile — and the manner in which it was originally propelled — and I’m thankful not to have been in the vicinity of the car at the moment of impact.

I noticed the hole last week as I prepared to leave Washington for Thanksgiving in Pittsburgh. The light rain I encountered en route does not appear to have penetrated the roof (now sealed with duct tape) with the same success as the unidentified object, so I have crossed aggressive precipitation off my list of suspects.

Likewise, I have cleared the foul ginkgo berry of culpability. Amassing by the thousands in the local trees (which could only have been assigned to the neighborhood by a malicious or anosmatic civil engineer), the terrible seeds have made a mess of our sidewalks and cars, and filled northern Columbia Heights with the strong odor of vomit. But the berries are soft — thus easily crushed to release their perfume — and the evidence available all over my car indicates that they are more likely to smoosh than to smash. That’s a shame, since I’d love to give the city a reason to cut all the trees down, and “they’re blasting holes in our automobiles!” would be a good one.

The car survived DC’s annual quasi-legalization of fireworks last summer without a scratch, and I don’t imagine that the area birds are eating anything sturdy enough to be so destructive upon digestion.

What could it be?