Infinitive Splitter

My dad has great taste in movies, and he’s always been quick to offer a line from one of his favorites whenever an opportunity presents itself. You might be surprised by how easy it is to work “We must not allow a mine-shaft gap!” into a conversation.

I think my mom thinks it’s cute, though she rolls her eyes when the lines come from movies she doesn’t like (”I don’t think so, Dave”) or doesn’t know (”Obviously, you are not a golfer”). She thinks it’s less cute that my brother and I, like most boys, adopted the tendency for ourselves — but without the discriminating taste. She doesn’t always understand why we still, at 24 and 19, fill our infrequent family dinnertimes with lines from Tommy Boy and “Arrested Development.” But she’s a good sport. In our house, cromulent is a perfectly cromulent word.

One of my dad’s favorites (and thus one of mine) comes from this scene in Lawrence of Arabia:

[Lawrence has just extinguished a match between his thumb and forefinger. William Potter surreptitiously attempts the same]
William Potter: Ooh! It damn well ‘urts!
T.E. Lawrence: Certainly it hurts.
Officer: What’s the trick then?
T.E. Lawrence: The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.

In All the President’s Men, with which I am much more familiar, Deep Throat tells the story of G. Gordon Liddy doing pretty much the same thing:

Deep Throat: I was at a party once, and, uh, Liddy put his hand over a candle, and he kept it there. He kept it right in the flame until his flesh was burned. Somebody said, “What’s the trick?” And Liddy said, “The trick is not minding.”

I don’t often perform flesh-burning parlor tricks, but in this cold February I have made the unfortunate mistake several times of having to walk uncomfortable distances with only a sweater and a thin corduroy jacket to keep me warm. In those times — like last night, when in 16-degree cold I walked from 18th and K to 21st and P — I remind myself that, while shivering is an option, it’s a useless one.

So I lose myself in music and my own thoughts, and I carry on.

The trick is not minding.