Infinitive Splitter

The air is cool enough in the mornings now that I can finally resume wearing sweaters over my too-small, collared shirts. To kick off the season today, I chose my favorite: a thin, Navy V-neck over a blue-and-white striped shirt.

It’s Wednesday, so I haven’t shaved in about a week, which in the summer makes me look like your standard Lazy Liberal Arts Major. With the sweater, I might very well be a graduate student.

On my way out of the building for lunch this afternoon, the security guard caught my attention and asked, “Hey man, you eat tofu?” He and his associate were dubious of a cube-shaped food item at the bottom of a container of soup; I examined the substance for them and confirmed that it was edible.

Before I got to the local sandwich shop — at which, despite my appearance, I did not order anything containing tofu — I dropped by a Borders bookstore, where a patron asked if I worked there. (I don’t think I’m alone in considering this kind of confusion among the higher forms of flattery.)

These things never happen to me in the summer; I look smarter when the days get shorter.

Jesus Christ stopped off in my apartment building this afternoon on his way from somewhere to somewhere else.  It won’t be a long trip, apparently, since he’s only taking a small backpack, a few bottles of water and a sleeping bag.

And this doesn’t seem to be his gameday crucifix: the mounted wheel might make it difficult to plant the thing on a hill.

Just in time, too:

The Pirates this morning fired general manager Dave Littlefield near the end of his seventh losing season.

He will be replaced on an interim basis by Brian Graham, the team’s director of player development.

Littlefield, 47, took the post July 31, 2001, and his teams went a combined 442-581 in his tenure, never approaching .500. That included 67-95 finishes in 2005 and 2006, and the current edition’s 61-79 record.

Matt Morris, Littlefield’s final acquisition and the highest-paid player in Pirates history, makes the case for Littlefield’s ouster:

• 24 earned runs in 41.7 innings (5.18 ERA, 85 ERA+)
• 19 walks, 20 strikeouts
• 1.608 WHIP

(Stats through yesterday.)

So long, Dave. Thanks for nothing.

It’s been a while, I’ve got nothing to say, and I did it last year, so here’s my 2007 NFL fantasy team roster:

Number in parentheses is the overall draft order.

1. (8) Frank Gore, RB - San Francisco
2. (13) Willis McGahee, RB - Baltimore
3. (28) Marc Bulger, QB - St. Louis
4. (33) Reggie Wayne, WR - Indianapolis
5. (48) Deion Branch, WR - Seattle
6. (53) Santana Moss, WR - Washington
7. (68) Chicago Bears DEFENSE
8. (73) Adrian Peterson, RB - Minnesota
9. (88) Santonio Holmes, WR - Pittsburgh
10. (93) Jon Kitna, QB - Detroit
11. (108) Jason Witten, TE - Dallas
12. (113) Tatum Bell, RB - Detroit
13. (128) Ronald Curry, WR - Oakland
14. (133) Jeff Wilkins, K - St. Louis
15. (148) Selvin Young, RB - Denver

Like last year, this will be the season’s only fantasy football post.